Girlphobia
by xxRobinxx
Summary: The gang is in the 8th grade and Kyle has "girlphobia".It's up to the rest of the guys to convince Kyle to date Bebe. The whole town is tricked into it but it's not only Kyle's love life that's affected.KyleBebe/StanWendy/CartmanBebe/KennyKelly/KennyHeidi
1. Girlphobia

Kyle's POV

**Kyle's POV**

I smiled slightly at the sight of my best friend, Stan, give Wendy a kiss on the cheek only to make her blush and giggle. It took about 5 years for Stan to finally realize he was madly in love with Wendy. And let me tell you, that was the longest five years of my 13 year old life.

I was proud of Stan, but it seemed kinda odd that I was feeling proud of Stan, and flipping off Cartman at the same time for pretending to throw up in the trash can. I swear on my jewish mother's life that he is such an asswipe.

Kenny was in the hospital...again. I was pretty sure he lived there considering how much he got hurt. Rumor has it that his mom had to be a prostitute to pay for the hospital bills. But that's not the point.

Long story short, Stan has a life, Kenny is practically dead, and Cartman is (and always will be) a total dipshit. Out of all of us, Stan was the only one of us who had a life.

Kenny,Cartman,and I were still the little fourth graders inside that were stupid, idiotic, and somewhat perverted. EVEN BUTTERS HAD A FREAKIN GIRLFRIEND!!

But I'm good. I love my life the way it is. I'M IN SINGLE AND I'M PROUD OF IT!!. Seriously, I am. WHo needs a girlfriend. Cartman is enough to deal with as it is.

I looked over to Wendy's other side where I could see that Bebe was checking me out. I buttoned up my jacket higher and grabbed Cartman to put him in front of me. _Maybe his fat ass can hide me._

I patiently waited about 15 minutes till Stan finally hugged Wendy goodbye and started walking towards Eric and I. As we were walking away to go home, I could tell that Bebe was checking me out again so I walked faster and made sure that Cartman was behind.

"Dude Kyle, what's your in problem?" Stan gave me "The look" I could tell that he knew I had a _slight _problem in him dating Wendy, but I decided to not go down without a fight.

"Besides Cartman I have no problem."

Cartman started muttering things under his sour breathe about me but I plainly ignored it.

"Kyle , are you like allergic to girls or something? I mean what the hell? I know your jew and all but I know for a fact that it is not a sin to like a girl."

I realized that Stan was in another one of his "heartfelt speech" modes again so I shrugged my shoulders and surrendered.

"OK look Stan, I'm sorry I'm being a jackass but I'm still getting used to you being with Wendy."

"Awww is wittle Kyle afraid the big bad Wendy will steal Stan away from you?" That set up was way too perfect to miss.

"Shut Up Cartman!"

Before Cartman could say any further, Stan spoke first, "Kyle, listen dude, you are my best friend and I am only telling you this because I care...you need a life Kyle...or atleast a girlfriend.

The second that those last few words left Stan's mouth, Cartman and I looked at each other and bursted into laughter.

"That's a good one Stan, priceless."

"Kyle, girlfriend...yah right!" Cartman couldn't hold in the laughter.

"You guys I'm serious! Wendy even told me that Bebe has a thing for you. Maybe you should take this opportunity." This got me and Cartman rolling on the floor and holding our sides to breathe.Stan got really agitated and luckily for him we were near his house so all he had to do was walk into his house, and he did a real dramatic thing of slamming the door too.

Cartman and I shared another round of laughter. One of the few times we actually got along.

_That was a good one._

Once Cartman and I parted ways I spent the rest of my walking while wiping away my tears from laughing too hard.

_I have girlphobia, and I am proud of it._


	2. The Plan

_**Stan's POV**_

I slammed the door tight and locked it. Ever since I started dating Wendy I allways felt like I was practically floating.

My sister (who surprisingly turned hot) was out again with one of her many boyfriends while my parents were on "date night". That's just a fancy word for saying "We're off to have sex in a parking lot."

My grandfather finally figured out how to kill himself and so this meant I had the house to myself.

I sat down on my sofa and thought about what to do about Kyle and his situation. He could be such a dumbass sometimes. He's told me multiple times that he doesn't need a girlfriend but I, being his best friend, knew what was right for him. The question is, however, how exactly I was going to go about convincing him to date a girl.

I decided I had no choice, I had to talk to Kenny. Kenny,out of all of us, was the most perverted, sinful,drug addicted,and sexually active. _He should know a thing or two about how to get Kyle to like girls more. He did lose his virginity in the 6th grade and got high on cat urine. _

I called Eric who convinced his Mom to drive us to the hospital where Kenny was staying. I had no time to tell him my reason to why we were visiting Kenny and I didn't want his Mom overhearing us in the car so he was guessing the whole time we were driving.

"Have you turned gay and you want to kiss Kenny?"

"No"

"Did you have a strange dream telling you to kiss Kenny or else the world was going to end?"

"No"

"Do you want to kiss him and post it on youtube?"

"Look just shut up O.K. We are not going to visit Kenny because I want to kiss him alright, I'll tell you later. Just promise not to tell Kyle."

"Hmmmmm, let me think." Cartman decided to be a jackass again but I was too exausted to fight with him. "A secret mission to the hospital, no jew, I get know something he doesn't, no jew, I have a secret from him and with your permission not to tell him, no jew…SWEET."

I rolled my eyes at Cartman as I breathed a sigh of relief. We pulled up onto the hospital driveway and Carman and I jumped out.

"Have fun boys." Was all Miss.Cartman said before she drove off.

We walked inside the building and looked for the reception desk. Once we found it we realized it had a long line. Cartman, being the insensitive jerk he is, cut atleast 15 people (including a dude with a bullet in his ass) and ignoring the complaints stepped up to talk to the receptionist. I followed.

"How may I assist you young boys?"

Before I could even open my mouth Cartman piped up, "Uh yes, we would like to visit our dear friend Kenny Mc…something or another in room 13 please."

"I'm terribly sorry boys but visiting hours are over for today."

I looked over at the clock which currently said 4:59. My hopes sank but I could see that Cartman, was not going to let it go.

"Excuse me Miss but you don't understand, our friend is dying and we would like to say our last goodbyes."

"I'm sorry sir but your going to have to wait until tomorrow."

"Come on Cartman let's just go." I tugged on his sleeve but he ignored me and walked to the lobby only six feet away. He carried his fat ass up on a coffee table and cleared his voice real dramaticly. Every pair of eyes on that room was now on Cartman.

I slapped my head with my hand in disgust. _Not again._

"Lady's and gentlemen of this hospital. Do you honestly think it's right to say when you are allowed to visit your sick and or injured loved one? Because I don't. I came hear today to say some last words to my friend since preschool and I am being rejected because I was supposedly too late. You can never be too late to say goodbye to a loved one and you could never be too late to say," Cartman then wiped away his "tears", "…I love you."

The idiotic adults who actually fell for that bullshit started crying and sniffing. The receptionist ( who was also crying) came from behind the desk and handed him a pair of keys.

She wiped away her eyes and muffled to us, "Seventh door on the left."

Cartman started walking down the corridor and I followed.

How Cartman comes up with bullshit from his ass so suddenly, I have no idea.

Authors note: So I only got one review for the last chapter but I don't mind. I will finish this story of mine even if I only have that one review.


	3. Phone Calls In The Night

_**Stans POV**_

Cartman and I just spent two whole hours talking to Kenny about our plan to get Kyle to date girls. It was risky,could possibly ruin our 9 year friendship,and could embarrass both him and I for the rest of eternity, but it was a good plan and I was willing to risk it.

In order for it to work though…I needed to call Wendy.

_**Cartmans POV**_

The plan Stan and I had was genious! I was about to bow down to Kenny right then and there.

_I'm just so happy I know something Kyle doesn't know._

_**Kyles POV**_

_Ring…ring…_

I looked over at the clock which said 7:01. I sat up and realized I fell asleep while doing my homework with it sticking to my mouth attached by spit. I wiped up my face and walked over to the other side of the room to answer the phone.

_Ring…ring…_"Hello?"

"Umm, hi Kyle it's Bebe."

Kyle was about to hang up but he knew she would probably call again.

"Er-hi."

I heard giggles in the background which probably belonged to Bebe's friends. I sighed and made a mental note to change my number sometime.

"Ummmm, I was wondering if you would like to join me out to pizza tommorrow at the mall."

"Look bebe, why don't you just ask one of your friends or something?"

"There-er busy and you're the only one I could think of."

"Look Bebe, I don't think I can O.K?"

"Oh…OK."I could sense the dissapointment in her but I really didn't want to go on a date with her.

"Bye."

I heard the little click go off as I hung up the phone. I know I was a little rude but atleast she may not like me anymore.

I finished up my homework and once I was finished I then laid down on my bed.

Just when I was getting nice and settled, the phone rang…again.

I sighed,stood up, and picked up the phone.

It was Stan.

"Dude! Why the fuck did you say no to Bebe?"

"How did you know I said no to Bebe?"

"Wendy told me."

"When?"

"This afternoon, she told me Bebe was going to call you at 7:00 and ask you out. She asked for my permission and I said yes. Then she called me five minutes ago telling me you said no.What the fuck Kyle?"

"You know dude, I kinda miss the old Stan that threw up every time he saw a girl."

"Well I killed the old Stan."

"Well then I'm going to the fucking graveyard and I'm digging him up and bringing him back to life."

"Too bad because I burned him!."

"Then I'm building a time machine!."

"Why can't you just grow up Kyle?"

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

_CLICK!!_

I hung up the phone , furious with everything and everybody.

I threw myself on the bed and tried to sleep

_Son of a bitch!_


	4. The Plan In Action

**Stan's Pov**

_Son of a bitch._

I hung up the phone fiercly and threw it on the ground. I felt bad for Kyle. Coincidentaly Bebe called Kyle even though neither Cartman or me called Bebe yet.

I sighed silently to myself and layed down on my bed facing the ceiling. I started thinking about the better times. The times when we thought girls had cooties and we'd make fun of them. What exactly happened to that Kyle and Stan? What happened?

I looked over at my dresser where a picture of Wendy, Kyle and me sat. I picked it up and scanned over mine and Kyle's face and stared at Wendy's.

_She's what happened_

A tear was forming on my face but I quickly wiped it away. I wasn't going to give up. I felt so happy with Wendy. It was as if she was the missing puzzle piece in my life.

_I feel so happy when I'm around her. Kyle deserves to feel this way too._

More plans started forming in my head adding up to the original plan. I got up and scanned the floor till I found the phone. I dialed Wendy's number and put it to my face.

The plan was in motion.

**Wendy's Pov**

"It's O.K Bebe. He'll like you eventually."

Bebe was lying on my pillow bawling her eyes out. Before I could say any more conforting words the phone rang. I thought it was Red so I picked it up right away but it was Stan instead.

"Hello?"

"Hi Wendy, It's Stan."

"Er-Stan, I don't think it's a good time right now."

"What's worng? Are you O.K?"

"Yah I'm fine it's…Bebe."

"Oh."

"Yah." I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. The last thing Bebe needed was to hear me talking to my boyfriend.

"So I have this plan."

"Really? That's great! Shoot."

"Ok so I've been thinking, since Kyle put down the idea of having a girlfriend so quickly, I was thinking that we could maybe try a different approach."

"I'm listening."

"So I'm thinking on what if we create Kyle a secret admirer."

"But-"

"Wait! I'm not done. Not only that but I think he should hang with Cartman more because Cartman has FunBoy magazines. Technically what I'm saying, is that we need to put love into his life. We need to surround him with girls,love,gooey romance crap. Everything that'll make him want to have a girlfriend. But to do that we would need couples to pair up. So we're going to need your friend's help.Maybe if we pair them off like Red with Craig and Heidi with Gary and stuff like that, he'll want one even more and more. We'll have all of South Park in on this plan."

"Stan that's…very Cartman-ish of you. Are you OK."

"Yah..I'm fine."

"OK. Well, I'm in."

"Oh! And one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Bebe needs to go out with Cartman."

"WHAT!"

"Just think, even though they are somewhat friends, Cartman is who Kyle hates the most, so if the person he hates the most dates Bebe…"

"He'll feel jealous and want Bebe."

"Exactly."

"Stan."

"Yah."

"I know this may not be the right time but-"

"But what?"

"I-nothing."

"OK."

"Bye Stan."

"Bye Wendy."

"Oh!."

"Yah."

"Meet me and the guys minus Kyle at the park tomorrow. Bring the girls."

"OK"

"Bye!"

As Stan hung up the phone before I could say my final goodbye, I smacked myself. To think That I was about to tell Stan I loved him. I am such a dork. I didn't even go through with it.

_I AM AN IDIOT!_

**AN/OK, so I've been getting a lot of complaints about grammar and spelling errors. I'm terribly sorry about them and I apologize. But please don't stop reading because I've accidentaly mispelled something. Because honestly, even though I know that spelling and grammar are important, this is called fanFICTION.et, not fanGRAMMAR AND . Just saying. If you like the story, please don't stop reading.**

**Always,**

**Sarah**


	5. The Meeting At The Park

**Kyle's Pov**

It was January, one of the coldest months ever if you lived in South Park. Even though I wanted nothing more than to be inside with some nice hot cocoa watching Terrance and Phillip, I wanted to clear this thing up with Stan. I wanted to tell him I was sorry.

I walked up to Stan's house and rang the doorbell. His sister came about 10 seconds later and I quickly covered my eyes. Since she started hanging with new friends, she turned hot and the last thing I needed was a lecture from Stan on how you're never supposed to check out your best friends sister.

"Yah."

"I er-wanted to see if Stan could come out."

"Why are you covering your eyes dweeb."

"Look, can I just please talk to Stan."

"He went to the park with all his dweebish friends."

"Oh, OK."

She shut the door in my face. Rubbing my nose I walked out the door._I wonder why he didn't ask me to go to the park?_

I figured that Stan was still mad at me and I accepted that. _I guess I did go a little overboard. _

I walked the five blocks to the park alone and cold. I wrapped my scarf up tighter to the point where it was choking me.

I reached the park at a record time. Then I heard Cartmans voice talking, loudly. Knowing Cartman that meant he was giving a lecture. _To who?_

I hid behind a bush and accidentally made some twigs snap. Wendy, Heidi, and Craig jumped and turned around but luckily they didn't see me._Odd, why are they here?_

I looked around and realized almost every single kid in South Park Middle School was here. I started to feel like I missed a memo or something.

I felt betrayed. I didn't need all this bullshit right now. I know I would regret it but I decided to make a dramatic appearance.

I stepped out of the bush and the people who turned around gasped. Stan started mumblibg "shit" over and over again and Cartman just stood there, smirking.

"What do you want you filthy jew?"

"Well, for starters, I wanted to hang out with my friends today,but obviousley that's not gonna happen since everyone from South Park Middle School is occupied with them.

Everyone started making excuses up to cover it all, but after nine years with Cartman, I knew better.

"We-um wanted to get you but-"

"I was just walking my dog I-"

"We were having a girls only meeting and-"

"TIMMAY!"

I simply ignored all of their lame excuses and walked over to Stan.

"What's going on dude?" I glared at Stan and had little amusement from watching him sweat.

"Look Kyle we couldn't tell you because…um…it's for your own good."

"My own good!? My own good!?-"

"Yah Kyle I-"

But that's the last thing I heard because then I felt a sudden pain and all I then saw, was black.

**Stan's Pov**

So everyone came to the meeting as planned. Cartman came up and said a few things and then I came up to tell everyone our plan.

"K dudes, here's the deal. In order for this to work we have to put nothing but love in Kyle's life. Everywhere he turns something has to remind him of love. So we need to pair up and start acting like it's Valentines day all over again. We're talking to the parent's tonight at sven about this and soon all of South Park will be in on it. Now…who's with me!"

Everyone started screaming and shouting. It wasn't everyday that they got to be apart of a plan.

Cartman went back up to the stadium and started assigning jobs to each people and pairing them up. Everything was going great until Wendy heard some twigs snap. About twenty seconds later, Kyle came in.

"Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit."

After Kyle gave his little speech, I saw him coming my way.

"What's up dude?"

I could tell he was angry. I didn't like lying to him, so I made this lame excuse that it's for his own good.

He got even angrier at that and I was about to say something when Cartman came up and hit Kyle in the back of the head with a chair.

"What the fuck Cartman!"

"I had to, it's the only way to settle this."

Bebe fainted as she saw Kyle's unmoving body. Red caught her and after that, people just went home with their pairs as Wendy,Cartman, and I took Kyle home.

"I'll see you all at seven with your parents!" was all I said to the departing crowd.

_Wow, I've gone insane._

**AuthorsNote/OK, so I took your guys' advice and I looked over the chapter before posting it. I may still have some grammar crap and stuff but oh well. I appreciate those who reviewed and those who take there time to read my story. Isn't that what this is about! BTW, I was talking to this freshmen on a website called and he started telling me all this crap how highschooloers are better writers than middleschoolers, so I gave the guy a nice internet finger. I hope none of you are like that because that's just low.**

**Always,**

**Sarah**


	6. Parent's Meeting and An Off Day

**Kyles POV**

_Ouch!_

I opened my eyes a bit and rubbed the spot where the fatass hit me with the chair. I didn't even see it and I could tell it was Cartman who hit me.

I opened my eyes fully and saw an outlined figure of Wendy and Stan. I rubbed my eyes more so I could see them more clearly. I tried sitting up in bed but Stan just pushed me back into it.

"You need to rest dude. Cartman hit you pretty hard."

_I knew it._

Part of me was glad to see Stan here, but another part of me wanted to rip the guts out of him.

"Wendy, I think you should leave for a bit."

"OK Stan!" Wendy gave Stan a kiss on the cheek, adjusted his hat, and left the room.

I tried not to laugh…I really did try…but I couldn't help it. I laughed.

Stan looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn't stop. When I finally did…Stan was pissed.

"What the fuck dude?"

"Look what Wendy turned you into! You used to throw up everytime a girl came near you let alone kiss you on the cheek! Who are you and what have you done to my best friend!" I think I jumped off the deep end.

Stan looked like he would pounce on me and rip me limb from limb, but he calmed down and tried his best not to yell.

"Look dude, I'm not here because I need feedback on my relationship, I'm here to explain why I can't tell you about the meeting at the park."

I raised my eyebrows and let him continue.

"I can't tell you, because…because…you're a jew!"

I looked questionly up at Stan.

"What about it."

"I-er-see it's just that dude, your not a christian so you can't really come to a christian youth meeting…can you?"

I thought for a long time then realized that I was probably upset about nothing.

_Cristian Youth Meeting?? UH…but what about the mormons…_

"OK…Then how come there were mormons there?" I looked up at Stan but he was sweating… a lot.

"Dude, are you alright?"

"Er-I gotta go!" I heard him and Wendy leave the house. I decided I should get some rest.

I looked over at the clock that said 6:58 pm.

_I've had an…off day…I need rest._

**Stans POV**

I grabbed Wendy's arm and ran.

"Um, Stan are you alright."

"Two minutes till town meeting, I lied to my best friend, I'm sweating like Micheal Jackson when he's around boys…Yah, I think I'm swell."

Wendy didn't ask any more questions and just ran. I couldn't help but notice how graceful she looks when she ran. I quickly snapped out of my trance and looked at my watch.

_Shit._

The watch read 7:02. _Damn it!_

We reached the Town Hall exactly a minute later and I guess I made somewhat of a dramatic appearance considering I was sweating,tired,and angry. I bursted through the doors and Wendy and I were in center stage with all eyes on us.

_Whoops._

Wendy,blushing, ran offstage and joined Bebe who was forced to sit next to Cartman.

I adjusted my collar and made some nervous coughs into the microphone.

Eyes were glued on me and I couldn't talk. I took a deep breathe, and started.

"We are all gathered here today to talk about a very serious problem. Of course you've all heard of a boy named Kyle Brofoski and-"

"What What What! What did my Kyle do now? Ooh I'm gonnna-"

I unpatiently rubbed my temples and lost my control. "MRS. BROFLOSKI, KYLE IS PERFECTLY FINE NOW PLEASE, SIT DOWN!"

Mrs. Brofloski finally sat and I continued.

"As I was saying, Kyle Brofloski , my friend of exactly nine years's in deep trouble and it is up to Souh Park to help. For starters, have you ever seen him with a girl? Huh? Have you ever?NO! You have not and you know why? Because he thinks that being single is a proud thing. AND NO HE IS NOT GAY!," I had to add that in because I saw Mr. Brofloski stand up, "But he still needs to look at girls in a different perspective rather than just people,OK!"

"Look at it like this, Kyle leaves high school, still single, and goes to colledge. Everyone ignores,pushes, and rips on him and so he leaves colledge single too. Espeically since he has a poofy head. So he ends up as a lonely, single person and more than likely he'd live with his mother. He'd find a blue collar job, lead a depressing life, and eventually commit suicide. Do we want this to happen to a poor boy?"

A loud echo of "no" ran out through the town hall.

Then there was a sudden silence until my dad got up and shouted, "Yah, let's do it for Kyle!!." Then a sudden outburst of cheers, applause, and echos of "Yah!" and "For Kyle" ran through the room.

_I guess my Dad is useful._

"Then lets get down to business. Ms. Garrison, You're going to have to change your lesson plans and focus them on love. Anything, just focus It on love."

"If I have to." Ms. Garrison didn't look all that excited but he decided it would do.

"Ms. Catman, I'm going to need you to buy funboys for Eric."**(A.K.A, Playboys)**

"Gotcha!"

"Mom, Dad, I need you guys to makeout wherever you go. Um, Bebe we've established that you are going to be for the time being dating Cartman.Er-Ike, you need to get a whole bunch of girlfriends and keep on bringing them home. Every 8th grader who came to the park today, we already gave you your pairings. Butters and Tweak, you guys are decorating the town all pinkish and crap with assitance from Red and Heidi. Um Mr.Slave, We need you to be as gay as possible. Kindergarteners, for your winter play we need you to do a love story. Mr. and Mrs. Brofloski, you need to encourage him to get a girlfriend and um-you guys need too practice holding hands and stuff and remember the drunker you get, the better…any questions?"

Once thee night was over I sat down on a chair next to Cartman and admired my work as people got to business for their plans.

_Aren't I lucky that our parents are really stupid?_

_**AN/OK, so I know I spelt a lot of words wrong, but I really don't care. I didn't spell that many words wrong…I guess so yah.Anyways, I know that usually parents would never believe this, but it is South Park. Plus they get to drink all they want so um yah. I hope you are still reading. **__****__****__****_


	7. Lovified, Confused, and Pink

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to Kookygirl82 and SweetPossum, who are reading my stupid story. And thanks to you people who are still reading this low-lifed, crappy thing I call a story.**

**Disclaimer:I wish…**

_**Kennys POV**_

_Damn it's nice to get out of this hospital._

I tightened the hood a it around my face and winked to the hot nurse by the counter. I couldn't wait to go back to school and see all my friends. I breathed in my last scent of the hospital, and took a step outside.

_Holy mother of God!_

If there is such a word, I'd say that South Park just got lovified.

_Heh,lovified._

I mean, I knew Cartman and Stan were planning about doing this. I was the one who told them to decorate the town and fill it with love. But I didn't actually think that they were going to go THIS far.

I passed by a heart shaped traschcan and parked myself on a nearby bus stop. The bench advertisement was one for . I looked over at the bus stop sign to see that the sign said,

STOP

(And underneath in ducktape said)

AND FEEL THE LOVE

_Holy shit!_

The bus came and I looked away. The pinkness on the bus was blinding my blue eyes. I hopped on with my eyes only slightly ajar and gave the bus driver the little money I had.

I couldn't help but feel like I took a step into the Twilight Zone.

I went to the back of the bus and sat the first 15 minutes back home in complete and utter silence.

I looked to the left and on the seat across from mine, I saw an man about 27 or so listening to an i-pod. I reached over and tapped him on the shoulder.

He took off the earplugs and turned to me, "Yes?"

"I-er, do you know why our town looks like a Valentines Day speical?"

The dude rubbed some barbecue from his mouth and replied,"Because a couple o' kids said last night that if we didn't get this on guy to fall in love with a girl, he'd do suicide."

"Oh, thanks."

"No problem."

I sat back in my seat and chuckled a bit.

_Sounds like another Cartman lie to me…._

_**Kyles POV**_

_RING…RING._

I slammed my hand on the alarmm clock's button which immediately shut off. I woke up to a pair of big brown eyes staring at me.

"AH! MOM?!"

My Mom was just sitting there, staring at me. It scarred the livng daylights out of me.

"Good morning Bubba. I brought you breakfast n' bed sweetykums." I stared at the tray my mother held out for me. It was a heart shaped pancake with strawberry syrup, a glass of strawberry milk,and a heart shaped cookie.

"Umm, thanks Mom."

"Your welcome dear."

She left the room with the widest grin on her face.

I checked the calender to make sure it wasn't a speical occasion that I missed or something. It was just a blank spot instead.

_Odd._

Forgetting the breakfast, I walked out of bed and looked out the window.

"Holy shit!" I knew that Cartman had to be a reason for this insane scene laid out before my eyes.

Outside was literally disgusting to watch. Random couples started walking by holding hands and making kissy faces.I could even swear that I saw Clyde holding hands with Rebecca.

_What the hell was going on?_

I put on my green pants and a t-shirt and grabbed my orange jacket,gloves, and hat. I ran out of the house without even a slight hi,or bye to my parents. I ran back inside only to grab my backpack, but then I just zoomed out again.

I couldn't believe my eyes. No matter where I ran, I either saw something pink, or a love scene. Either way, it was disgusting. I felt like I missed a memo or something.

I ran as fast as I could to Stan's house. And surprise surprise here, there was Wendy.

"Hey dude!"

"Christian meeting my ass! What the hell is going on around here Stan!?"

"I have no clue what you're talking about."

I was so annoyed. I didn't want to yell at my best friend, but I was so confused and I had no clue what happened to my redneck of a town.

I sat down next to Wendy. "OK, why the fuck is everyone and everything so…lovely and pink?"

"Kyle, why would I know. It's not like we all planned this. Maybe everybody just feels we need a bit of love, I don't know."

_More like Cupid went on a love spree._

"Dude, this is fucked up." I can't believe Stan and everybody else doesn't see what's wrong.

"There's nothing fucked up about love Kyle." It was Wendy who spoke now in her high-pitched tone and innocent smile.

I ignored her and looked out the window and smiled. I saw someone who would believe me no matter what, just getting off the bus.

_If anyone could believe me, it's Kenny._

I ran out of the Marsh home and greeted Kenny.

"Hey Dude, out from the hospital?"

"Yah."

"Kenny, Stan has gone to the dark, or maybe a better term is pink, side. Don't you think there's something up with South Park today?"

Kenny wasn't answering. He was looking at someone behind me. I turned around to see Stan and Wendy outside.

I might be wrong, but it kinda looked like Stan was sending some type of…signals to Kenny.

Kenny shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"I have no clue what you're talking about Kyle, everything looks fine Hell! Maybe I might even call Kelly. Dude she sent me this picture of herself since it's been a while since we've actually seen eachother, and she...looks...hot."

"God dammit! Is everyone lovestruck here?"

No one was listening because without me knowing, Kenny walked over to the other side of the street where Wendy and Stan were to greet them.

I sighed and gave up.

If there was any town wierder than South Park, then I'd be dammed.

_Hopefully Cartman knows what's up with everyone._

**So Another chapter done. We're getting to the good parts soon where almost everyone starts going crazy. Just another typical episode. I hope you guys are still reading. I think I'd die inside if no one was reading my story. **


	8. Getting No Answers

**AN: So in the episode, "Eek a Penis", Ms.Garrison gains his penis again. In my story, I have been calling what should be Mr. Garrison, Ms.Garrison. If any of you care at all what exactly I should do about it even though it is of little importance, please say so. Because I will continue writing what should be a he, a her so of course that dramatically effects his/her personality.**

**OH! I should also make this clear that since I do not want any OC's in this story, even though they are in 8****th**** grade, they are still going to have their old counselor, principal, chef, and teacher. Since Ms. Choksondic died, their teacher is Ms.Garrison and Ike would be in 3****rd**** grade OK?**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**Kyles POV**

If words could describe the confusion and hatred I felt for this lovified town…then, I would have found it in the dictionary by now.

Yes, I know I'm a nerd because I was looking up a word that could sum up my feelings in the dictionary durIng the bus ride to school, but it's in my nature.

"Get off the bus you dumbass kids!" The crazy old bus driver yelled loud enough for a deaf person to hear. We all practically sprinted out of the bus. The bus then sped away, and I turned to Kenny.

Right when I was about to ask him something, I saw something that made me question society and the theory of the universe.

_No. I mean…what…no…that's just….that can't be right….I probably died and went to hell or something because that's just out of all that's good and reasonable._

There, only about 10 feet in front of my now forever scarred eyes, Cartman was holding hands with Bebe. And she was smiling! And she didn't even slap or kick him in the balls! I would've known. He would've flipped her off and make a rude remark.

Cartman, the racist, fat, son of a bitch was holding hands with one of the prettiest girls in the school who was no longer a total bitch. She actually turned nice and smart. Its swell the things middle school could do.

I had to do a double, no, triple take to make sure my eyes weren't decieving me. I started going through all of the possible solutions that would make sense.

_Maybe that genetic engineer made a clone of Bebe. Or maybe Bebe lost a bet. There is also a possibility she only doing it to get more food. No! It has to be Cartman's doing. He must be blackmailing her. That bastard._

"Dude, Kyle, are you OK?" Stan made a motion to Kenny and Wendy to leave them alone for a sec.

"Yah, I'm fine dude. Why do you ask?"

"Because it looks like your brains are about to explode. It looked kinda disturbing."

"Oh, sorry dude."

"Don't be sorry to me dude. It's your exploding brain, not mine."

With that note, Stan took off towards where Wendy went and I tried regaining my balance as I walked towards where Cartman and Bebe were now whispering in each other's ears.

I didn't realize I was walking so slowly, as if in a trance. Everywhere I looked people were just… happy. Not just regular happy but like forced yet willing to happy. Kinda like that thing they do in scary movies. What happened to the red neck town I have grown to hate?

Token and Heidi walked by with their hands in each other's back pocket and Mr.Garrison was carrying a box filled with Romeo & Juliet books.

"Hi Kyle!"

"Yah, hey Kyle."

"Sup' Kyle?"

That ten feet walk to go yell at Cartman seemed to be the longest ten feet of my life. People seemed to be noticing me and so I tightened my hat and stuffed my hands in my pocket. I didn't like attention.

"Hey Kyle looking good." A really hot 8th grader winked and said I looked good as she walked by.

_Maybe today isn't so bad after all…but I'm still gonna yell at Cartman._

**Bebes's POV**

"Ew! Cartman let go!"

I yanked my arm away from him. I was so pissed at Stan for suggesting this but he said it'd work and I had no choice.

"Look do you want the Jew to like you or not."

"Yes I do and why do you even care anyways? You hate him."

"Yes but I know something the Kyle doesn't making me better than him."

"You are such a bastard."

"Bitch."

"OK, I see the bus coming. We should just get along till this whole fiasco is over and hopefully we could get back to our lives and me and Kyle will be going out."

"Well we have to make it believable so don't be a fag and hold my hand."

"Fine."

I grabbed his hand and I put on the best smile I could.

The bus pulled up and in pairs the kids all ran out. Finally Wendy, Stan, Kenny, then Kyle came out and the bus left.

_Kyle._

_I love how he blinks his eyes twice before getting out of a car. Or how he has perfect Jewish white teeth that sparkle. His eyes are that wonderful shade of brown that look so soft and welcoming when he smiles._

Then he looked over where I and Cartman were and he looked confused and upset. I smiled knowing to myself that oh so silently, the plan was in motion.

He started towards us but very-uh- slowly at that.

"It's working." I whispered in Eric's ear. He laughed and whispers back. "State one of the plan, is working."

When Kyle finally got over hear he turned immediately towards Cartman and started yelling.

"What the fuck Cartman!? What did you do brainwash her? And what the hell is all this. Are you setting everybody up to fall in love to make a point? Is this another get quick rich scheme? I know that you are a part of this Cartman. Nobody wants to date a fatass like you. I know it. It's my instinct."

I know I hated Eric beyond anything but I did have to make our relationship believable so I stood in front of Eric facing Kyle. I was close enough to kiss him if I wanted to.

"Look Kyle. Just because Eric has a girlfriend, doesn't mean that he brainwashed her. Maybe he just found love. Maybe all of us found love Kyle. Maybe it's a coincidence. Who knows? All I know, is that you don't have to go on ripping on Cartman just because he got a girlfriend. Not everything is as it seems Kyle. "

I couldn't believe I just said that to the love of my life, but someone had to do something. It'd look to suspicious if no one would.

"You're still a fatass Cartman. You may have charmed Bebe, but you can't trick me." Kyle didn't seem too sure about his statement, but he still walked away, confused, towards the school entryway.

"You-you stood up for me?"

"Well someone has to make this plan a bit more believable."

Cartman just nodded his head in agreement and we both left towards the school building. I nudged him and he grabbed my hand. I didn't flinch because for the time being, Cartman was…bearable.

_I hope…_

**Cartmans POV**

_Wow, she stood up to the ginger Jew. Maybe she's not a hippie after al._

_I think I like Bebe Stevens…_

**AN: So the action is starting a bit. I have the next two chapters planned out and I have a feeling that since I like taking things at a slow-ish not rushed pace, I think that a ballpark estimate of the number of chapters is going to be a bit over 30 maybe more, but not less. Hope you like it! ******


	9. Protection,Different Protection,Love Bug

**OK, so now I'm balancing two stories. Blah! I need a break.**

**On to the story…**

**Disclaimer: If I did, Kyle's fro would be shaved off **

**Kyes POV**

"Oh hell no!"

I took one step into my school and I wanted to step back. All around it was so…so… girly!

Butters and Red were making out. And I mean full on tongue, hands on hips, Red on his lap make-out session. OH God I think I'm going to be sick. If someone would have told me Butters was a lady man deep down four years ago, I would have never believed them. Well, here he is.

Then Mr. Mackey walked by. Right where Butters and Red were sharing spit.

_Now they're going to get it._

"Oh! Feeling a little love I see. Just make sure you know how to use a condemn properly and you're not late for class M'Kay?"

"OK Mr. Mackey." They said in unison and then they went right on back to tonsil hockey.

"WHOA! Mr. Mackey? Aren't you going to do anything about that?"

"There's nothing wrong with love M'Kay Kyle."

And with that, Mr. Mackey entered a classroom walking away with all of what I ever used to believe trailing behind him and slowly melting away like the Wicked Witch of The West.

_God Dammit!_

I walked into my house and closed the door behind me dropping my bag as well. I walked into my kitchen leaving a trail of pink glitter that was "accidentally" dropped on me.

I tried looking for some edible thing in my fridge that wasn't Jewish. With no luck I closed the fridge door, a little too hard, and sighed in frustration.

I tried going over the possibilities of all that was happening in my head like it was just some big math problem.

I walked silently into my living room and I froze.

On the couch surrounded by three girls was Ike laughing and…flirting with them all. I rubbed my eyes to make sure my eyes weren't playing a trick on me.

"Oh, hey Kyle!" The girls all giggled like schoolgirls and Ike winked.

"Cool huh?" One of the girls scooted a little closer to Ike and he pretended to yawn and pt his arm around her. She squealed and the other girls glared.

Ike laughed. "Girls girls girls….there are enough of me to go around." Ike seemed content. I mean, he did lose his fuckin virginity at the age of three.

I rolled my eyes and stormed up my staircase two at a time.

"You're just jealous I'm surrounded by girls!!" He called after me just before I closed my room door.

I leaned against my door, my only protection against the outside world, and I let my legs slide down.

I closed my eyes and banged my head against the door a few times.

_Why am I always the last one to receive memos?_

And that isn't me being dramatic either, it was true. Like that time everyone thought it was cool to be metrosexual….and that other time when everyone was hooked on Chinpokomon.

_UGH!_

I got up and threw myself on the bed.

Just when I was going to go to bed, my dad barges in without any explanation.

_Alas, my only protection from the outside world has no lock._

"DAD!"

"Now son, I think it's time we had a little….talk."

"Jesus Christ Dad. I know what sex is."

"But do you know about love?"

"Love Dad? You call off work, drive in traffic all the way home, totally ignore that Ike is having an affair with three girls, come upstairs, and barge through my door to only say you wanted to talk to me about love?"

"Well, when you put it that way, yes."

My dad was grinning and I wanted to rip off that Jewish hat of his and throw it across the room.

"Dad, please. I know what love is."

"Then what is it."

"You should know. You had to have felt something when you decided to marry Mom." I chuckled a bit at my joke.

"Kyle, your mom is a real special person."

"Just saying…"

"OK, forget that. What I'm trying to say is that I think you should get out and find yourself some magic on your own."

My dad patted my leg and walked out of my room. I sighed and yelled out to him to please close my door.

"Oops! Sorry Kyle. Don't forget what I said." I rolled my eyes.

"Yah….sure…whatever". I gritted my teeth and crossed my fingers. He closed the door and I reached over to turn on the radio.

_Lonely I'm Mr Lonely,  
I have nobody,  
For my own  
I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely  
I have nobody,  
For my own  
I'm so lonely,_

Before Akon could say another word I switched the radio to another channel that I hoped wouldn't play any love songs.

_Nothing you can make that can't be made.  
No one you can save that can't be saved.  
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.  
It's easy._

All you need is love.  
All you need is love.  
All you need is love, love.  
Love is all you need.

Now, it was getting ridiculous. I turned off the radio and flipped on my T.v instead that I got in 6th grade.

I started at channel two. I decided to go channel surfing.

Channel 2: Dramatic sitcom about a love triangle

Channel 3: A commercial about wedding rings

Channel 4: The movie Titanic was playing and it was that car scene that Kenny loves

Channel 5: A comedy sitcom….but someone was proposing

Channel 6: A door commercial (Thank God)…oh wait…..never mind….porn

Channel 7: News reporting with the headline "Is Teenage Love Contagious?"

Channel 8: A Music video…with the song "Love Song"

Channel 9: A recording of the Broadway musical "Westside Story"

Channel 10: Disney Channel…_Why do teenagers have so many crushes in sitcoms?_

Channel 11: American Idol…and Paula was kissing Simon

Channel 12: Another movie was playing and this time it was 27 dresses and two people were singing Benny and the Jets

Channel 13: Two teenagers were giving their opinion about love

Channel 14: Oprah was talking to people who both wanted to do suicide but decided not to because they both found love with each other

Channel 15: A Soap Opera…..a graphic one at that

Channel 16: Just…..another love movie

I stopped at channel 16 because I didn't want to risk it. Somehow…somewhere in my mind I knew there would be love everywhere and I wanted to figure out why.

Part of me knew that South Park must be involved with this.

But that was part of me. Another part of me wanted to just do as a bbear and hibernate till spring.

But when Cartman did that….well, let's just say I don't feel like seeing myself in the future.

I laughed a bit from the memory and I walked outside my room grabbing my jacket on the way out.

As I ran downstairs, I saw a present on the bottom step with a tag sticking out saying, "To Kyle" In my dad's neat-ish handwriting.

I opened it with some precaution and when I saw what it was, I slapped my head while shaking my head.

"Dad." I grumbled.

Condemns…..my dad bought me condemns.

I rolled my eyes and an idea popped into my head.

"Hey Ike!" Ike looked up from where he sat surrounded by the same three girls plus another.

"Yah?"

"You like presents, right?"

"Duh."

"Merry Christmas." I threw him the box of condemns and added, "By the way you're going, I think you'll need them more than I do."

When he caught the box all the girls giggled and Ike looked pissed. "Hey!"

I laughed and he flipped me off.

"Fuck you!" He said.

"Just call that your early Christmas present for the next twenty two years and my new version of Kick the Baby."

He glared and I shoved my jacket on.

I went outside and slammed the door.

_This love bug is not going to bite me. I won't allow it._


	10. Stalker In The Bush?

**Kyle's POV**

I kept walking and I didn't stop. I didn't dare.

My slow paced walked turned into a fast jog…and eventually a sprint.

Like hell I was going to give in. Maybe cupid's arrow missed me or something. All I know is that I was freaked.

I decided to go down to Starks pond. Big mistake there………

There, in front of my eyes was Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi. And they were all paired up holding hands and skating around the pond.

_Stupid hormones…_

I sat down out of breathe and I watched the couples. And then it hit me…….

_Maybe love isn't that bad after all._

I was hidden by a bush, perfectly covered, and I smiled at the beauty the scene created. Not that I would ever admit it but…

Stan and Wendy were skating with their hands laced. Wendy skated perfectly and Stan stumbled a bit but Wendy, it looked like, was amused by this. Then Wendy accidentally had bad footing for a while and Stan held her tightly by the waist and lifted her back up before she was able to touch the ground. She kissed him and they looked like they were caught in the moment with them skating, perfectly together and in step, kissing. It looked peaceful…

Then I saw Kenny and Heidi. They were doubled over laughing at something Kenny said and when they finally stopped, Heidi yanked off Kenny's hood. At first, he looked like he would put it back on but Heidi whispered into his ear and he smiled. The hood remained off… and Kenny never took it off.

Then last were Cartman and Bebe. It was mesmerizing how comfortable they both looked. She was even…..laughing. I hated Cartman but I had to give him props.

The six of them…..they looked so….lovely.

I sat back in the bush and just watched. I wouldn't admit it. I had nothing else better to do, but still, it was like admitting to crying over soap operas….guys just can't admit it.

Can you name a guy that would admit to watching three of his friends behind a bush enjoying the peacefulness of watching them chill with their girlfriends?

I didn't think so…..

_Maybe cupid's arrow did hit me after all….._

I shook my head at this. No, I don't like anybody. So maybe I just feel like watching my friends hang out with their girlfriends.

_Man my life is pathetic….._

**Kenny's POV**

So, again, I didn't have much knowledge on this whole love thing in the first place, but once I was completely filled up on events and placed with Heidi….I was beginning to love my plan. (Yes, I called it my plan because I was the one who thought of the idea and I was the one they came to in need so there.)

I looked into Heidi's eyes that were warm and welcoming. I mean, don't get me wrong, Bebe was hotter…but Heidi had this certain aroma around her that always seemed to put smiles on everyone's faces.

She gripped my hand tighter as we skated around the pond and I couldn't help but notice how she was wearing eyeliner…eyeliner that, rumor has it, she only wears around guys she likes. And I know it's strange a guy would notice something as stupid as that but I guess when your poor looking at every detail becomes a habit.

"Heidi?"

"Yah Kenny."

"You're wearing eyeliner."

"What about it?"

"I thought you only wore eyeliner around guys you like."

She blushed and loosened her grip on my hand.

"Ummmm, Yah, I do"

I stopped on my skates sending some ice flying towards the edge of the pond forcing Heidi to stop too.

"Wait, do you like me Heidi?"

She paused for a moment looking like she was debating something in her head then she took a deep breath and said, "Yah, I like you Kenny."

Without even realizing I was doing it I brought her closer to me and I forced my lips onto her orange flavored ones. We swayed in that spot and I could have sworn I heard Wendy squeal and Bebe sigh.

Then we all heard this big gasp coming from a nearby bush followed by a faint "Shit."

Heidi and I yanked apart and while the girls cuddled together too freaked and alarmed, Cartman, Stan and I went over to the bush to see what was up.

Stan yanked a long stick from a nearby tree with the help of Cartman and we crept closer.

Just as Stan was about to smash the stick on whomever was in the bush, the person said "Stan! It's me! Wait!" and Kyle jumped out of the bush.

"Kyle! Whoa dude! Shit man! Why didn't you just say you were there in the first place? Wait, why were you even there in the first place?"

All eyes were on Kyle now as the girls came over and stood near their assigned partners.

Kyle adjusted his hat and twiddled his thumbs.

"I just dropped my hat dudes. It took me a while to find but I found it. Sorry for freakin you out dudes."

Cartman looked convinced enough and Bebe looked worried and curious. Wendy nodded her head and Heidi just shrugged. Stan, however, looked the least convinced. He raised his eyebrows but Kyle just nodded.

"See yah dude."

And Kyle then just walked away…

Heidi turned to me, "That was weird."

I nodded my head in agreement and Stan and Cartman just took their girls out again on the ice leaving Heidi and I alone.

"SO I take it you're my actually boyfriend?" I barely had time to respond because Heidi kissed me again and we made out next to the bush the rest of the afternoon.

_God she was a good kisser………._

**So this chapter was not entirely useless because I changed my summary so that it was more than one pairing. So this was just the beginning to the Kenny/Heidi relationship. Not all of this has to center around Kyle………**

**I hoped you all liked it!**


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